Sex in a Time-Starved World
At the beginning of the day, when the alarm goes off and you and your partner are getting out of bed, you may have EVERY intention of getting it on later that night—if you can squeeze it in. But unfortunately, after rushing the kids to school, working all day, taking care of the house, making dinner, walking the dog, scooping the cat litter, and dealing with everything else on the table, sex can be the last thing on your minds. You might look at each other, shrug, and promise it will happen another night and get going with your evening Netflix-ing (that’s a verb now, right?)
This kind of sexual rain check eventually can become a pattern that will take a toll on your relationship. And the longer you put off sex, the more awkward it can be to get back into it.
So, how can you fit sex into your busy lives—and how can you maintain a healthy sex life in a time-starved world?
Rethink How You Rank Sex
Sex is important. It’s been proven to be good for your physical and mental health, and for your relationship. It can reduce stress and enhance your connection with each other. Sexless marriages can be one of the primary reasons people seek out divorces. It’s a big deal. To reclaim your sex life, first you need to elevate the status of sex in your mind. It’s not just a past-time that feels kind of nice, but rather a crucial part of your personal and relational health and well-being. It’s right up there alongside eating well, working out and making sure your kid does their homework.
Spontaneity Isn’t the Key
Many people are still stuck on the idea that sex should be spontaneous. But you can prepare for a night of passion that’s just as sexy and exciting as an impulsive quickie on the kitchen floor. Putting sex on the calendar won’t kill the passion, because you are reminding yourself and your partner that your love life is important to both of you.
If you still aren’t sure sex prep can be sexy, here are a few techniques you can use :
- Flirt with one another throughout the day.
- Send texts, sexts, and suggestive emojis or gifs.
- Talk to each other about how excited you are.
- Don’t miss opportunities to touch each other.
This kind of preparation can become its own foreplay, and you’ll both be excited for the night ahead. Not only that, but it will also make being intimate with one another something that goes beyond the bedroom, making it easier to switch from suburbanite/mom/dad/worker/friend to lover.
Don’t Find Time—Make Time
Sex shouldn’t be something you’ll get to if you have extra time. It’ll never happen. If something’s low on your to-do list all the time, something else will always come along to push it farther down. If you want to make time for sex, something’s gotta give. And that means you need to look at where you’re time is going, and rethink how much time everything gets.For example, do your kids really need three after-school activities? Do you have to go golfing EVERY weekend? Do you have to RSVP “Yes” to every social function? Wouldn’t takeout be all right every once in a while? And can’t that episode of your favorite show wait until later?Prioritizing doesn’t just mean cutting out the things that DON’T matter, it means making adjustments to things that DO matter, learning to say “no” sometimes and letting “good enough” be the mantra every now and then. And trusting that everything will still b just fine.
It’s not selfish for you and your partner to make time for sex in your daily life. Going back to bullet point number one in this post: Sex is just as important as those other things on your list.
Beware of the Time Hijackers
In addition to the big-ticket calendar items that fill your day, there’s another culprit we need to talk about: the subtle, sneaky time hijackers. You know the ones I’m talking about: the quick email check that turns into 30 minutes of work, or the mindless social media scrolling that ends up eating up 45 minutes of time. Or Candy Crush – no further explanation needed there. While there’s a time to just disconnect and veg out, the key is to be aware that you are doing so and be aware of how much of your time is in that space.Try keeping a detailed time journal for a few days. You’d be surprised at how much time gets sucked on things that didn’t even register for you!
It’s Worth the Work
It might seem like a lot of work to make sure sex becomes a part of your regular routine, but think how rewarding it will be when it does. If you are still struggling, sex therapy might be a beneficial next step. Get in touch to learn more.